COVID & our kids: This mom’s concerns about much more than the physical…….
During the COVID-19 pandemic, it has become increasingly clear that we all view what’s happening around us based on the stage of life we are in and on our own particular set of circumstances; which is essentially just basic human nature. Despite being empathetic or sympathetic to others and practicing safety for the benefit of all, it’s quite normal for us to base our opinions on how this is affecting us personally. If we are healthcare workers, we probably view the pandemic one way. If we are small business owners, we likely view it quite differently after months of living through it. So, naturally, much of my interpretation of the pandemic has been shaped by my views and experiences as the parent of two teenagers.
Last week, the American Academy of Pediatrics released their findings on COVID-19 based on their own research and their recommendations of how the upcoming school year should be handled. After I read the article, I let out a huge sigh of relief and I think I actually said out loud “thank you so much”. Because their findings align with what I’ve seen firsthand as a parent of two teens. And their recommendations are what I’ve been hoping and praying for. Like many parents, at this point of the pandemic, I’m most concerned with what’s happening in the minds of my two kids. Or rather, what’s not happening.
At ages 14 and 16, my kids are in the throes of academic growth and mental development. Online learning has not proved to be particularly effective for either one of them, but especially for the one who suffers from ADD. Despite the phenomenal attempts by our schools to offer online classes and still hold the kids accountable for their work, most adolescents just aren’t wired to learn this way. An online class is never going to demonstrate what a live biology or chemistry experiment can. Online learning doesn’t allow for a lively debate; it doesn’t allow a student to build a rapport with a teacher or offer an opportunity to work at one’s own pace. Extended time away from the classroom means teachers and administrators cannot identify learning deficits or put plans and resources in place to correct them.
But the side effect of the pandemic and quarantine that has kept me most up at night is the mental development of my kids. At some point, their mental health has to become as important as their physical health. I understand why we had to quarantine in order for the world to heal and move past the worst of the pandemic. I I believe that we acted accordingly to preserve the physical health of billions of people around the globe. I won’t ever argue against that. I whole-heartedly believe in social distancing and taking every precaution possible to respect the health of others and myself. You won’t catch me without a mask in public and I agree that we must continue to live differently than we did 6 months ago in order to eradicate, or contain, COVID-19. But Iet me say it again with emphasis: At some point, the mental health of our kids needs to become just as important as their physical health and that time is now. Our kids need one another. Kids of all ages need their peers. They need friendships and opportunities to serve others. They need social interaction to learn the lessons of being fair and kind firsthand. I love how this generation of kids seems to accept others of all races, religions and orientations so much better than my generation but they need to be together to continue doing this.
In a quantitative study of 4,526 adolescents between 13 and 19 years, researchers from the Norwegian Institute of Public Health studied multiple factors that affected young people’s psychological health positively and negatively. Of the factors they chose to research, they saw that social support from friends and spending spare time with friends were the strongest protective factors against mental disorders among this age group. Social skills are crucial to a young person’s mental development and play an integral part in how a child or adolescent goes on to interact with people as an adult. Peer interaction has countless benefits for children including cognitive development, communication skills and an increase in self-esteem and independence; all which lead to empathy, more meaningful relationships and healthier interactions with others. It’s an essential building block for their growth into functional, responsible, respectful adults.
Yes, kids are resilient; incredibly so. But they simply learn best when exposed to others. Not all lessons can be taught by parents. No matter how much my husband and I engage with our kids, I see them becoming more withdrawn and down. I see the anxiety creeping in as their daily lives have become something they don’t quite recognize. I see them question what their future will look like. Because in the eyes and brains of children and teens, a 4 month quarantine as well be 40 years. Facetime and social media are not suitable replacements for actual relationships. They may be a fine band-aid for the interim but our kids already rely on technology too much. If virtual relationships replace actual ones in their entirety, our kids will be at a huge disadvantage in life – academically, socially and emotionally. I feel like I’ve been watching two of the most beautiful, vibrantly colored flowers I’ve ever seen fade right in front of my eyes. As a mother, it’s horrible to witness. Just last night, my daughter said to me “my room makes me sad”. When I asked her why, she said “because I’ve spent so much time there lately”.
Ironically, much of what is being done in the past few months to keep our vulnerable populations safe physically now needs to be re-embraced to protect our kids’ development. Just as society has been challenged to protect the physical health of our vulnerable members, we have to also master the challenge of protecting the minds of our children by recreating a world where they can interact and flourish again. We can’t rely on our schools to do it all as they are already taking gargantuan measures to essentially rebuild the entire learning environment. We all must recommit to making our environment safer for this reintroduction to school to be successful. We must be wearing masks religiously; staying home when we’re sick; keeping our kids home when they’re sick and not returning to our pre-COVID ways. We need to listen to the clinical and psychological experts and take their founded advice to heart. I’m up for the call. Not just for my kids but for all the kids around the world. If you’re reading this, I hope you are, too. So please ask yourself once again, just like you did back in March when you were originally tasked with protecting people around you; what role can you play so that our kids can return to school and succeed?
https://services.aap.org/en/pages/2019-novel-coronavirus-covid-19-infections/
As always, thanks for allowing me to be part of your day. I welcome your thoughts and feedback. Follow me on social media for more.
