Confession! My daughter plays volleyball but I just don’t get it……

How to support your kids even when you don’t understand their passions

Confession ahead – My daughter plays volleyball but I just don’t get it.

Yes, you read that correctly.  I don’t get it.  Volleyball, that is.  You see, my daughter went and inherited some sort of serious athleticism from somebody.  But it sure wasn’t me.  I don’t understand volleyball at all.  Because I’m that mom who is clueless about team sports.  Or really sports of any kind.  I was the kid who was always chosen last in PE class for a team.  If there is a ball involved, forget it.  I’m out.  I tried to take up tennis in my early 40’s. After several group lessons and even private lessons, I was asked what my athletic history was with balls.  What?  Wasn’t it obvious I didn’t have one of those???  So I told my instructor I didn’t have one.  At all.  I received the strangest, most pitiful look from him.  He indulged me in my dream of becoming the next Serena for about 5 more minutes and then told me that I had zero hand-eye coordination. Then he actually told me to take up another hobby.  I’m pretty sure he was laughing at me when he walked away (I had to laugh at myself, too, but at least I tried something new!).  The worst part was I just bought three cute tennis skirts (so obviously it was never about the tennis, it was about the fashion). 

Anyway, so how can I possibly support my daughter well when I don’t have a clue as to what she’s doing out there on that court?   The reality is that she’s always going to have interests different than mine; so is my son.  It just becomes a huge opportunity for me to learn more about them.  I don’t have to fully master their interest(s) myself in order to support them.  One of them could be an artist or a musician or a robotics whiz or a great debater and I know nothing about any of those interests either.  What matters is that I show up with genuine enthusiasm and curiosity for what inspires each of them and then determine how I can best nurture them with my own individual mom-skills.  Her interests are what make her unique and this may be the perfect time for us to reverse roles while she teaches me a thing or two.  I also need to acknowledge that this is just one part of her and if I never “get it”, it’s ok.  Our relationship is so faceted that I am confident in us to connect about so many other things.

My support doesn’t look like me discussing every play that was made in her most recent game.  She and I both know that’s never going to happen.  It looks more like me researching clubs, teams and coaches so we know where she will develop best based on the strengths she has (the strengths that others have identified for me!).  It also looks like supporting her health and sleep so she’s physically and mentally prepared.  It looks like me asking her to describe to me why she loves volleyball.  Maybe it looks like me reading a book or googling topics to better understand.  Maybe it means me taking a backseat on this one because I realize that sports knowledge is my husband’s thing and making room for them to bond over it without my constant barrage of questions and lack of full appreciation for the game.  And of course, my support looks like me believing in her and encouraging her before games and by cheering for her (my cheering is always on about a two second delay though because I have to observe the other parents before clueless me knows just how to react).  And as much as neither of us wants to consider it, my support one day may have to be me consoling her when she doesn’t make the team or is injured and can’t play anymore.  And then supporting her by guiding her on to her next love. 

So you would think that because I was never an athlete and don’t fully grasp what’s going on out there, I’d hate to go to her games but the crazy thing is I LOVE to watch her play.  I am in AWE of her when she’s out there in her element.  She is so at ease, so confident.  So many times I have thought “how can that strong girl out there be mine?”  I may not understand the rules of the game but I understand that she seriously loves it.  I understand that it has taught her what it means to be part of a team and how to work hard for something you love.  I understand that other people, her coaches and teammates, have taught her skills that I could never. I understand that it has given her confidence and a purpose.  And for all that I’m so grateful and proud.  

So if you ever find yourself at a volleyball game or tournament and see a really confused looking mom asking if we’re having fun yet, that’s me.