What is family culture? And more importantly, what is yours?

I’m a big believer in family culture.  In fact, if you follow me on social media, you’ll notice that my posts almost always include the hashtag #family culture.  But what does that mean exactly?  We talk about culture in the workplace a lot these days and it’s really no different than having one at home.  Family culture refers to the set of traditions and values that your individual family models and prioritizes.  Think of it as what makes you all a unique group.  Family culture is the environment you choose in which to raise your family and the set of ideals you hold highest.  It varies from family to family, of course, as we all have certain principles we hold dear to our hearts and want to model for not only our children, but the world.

In my sweet little family of four humans and three dogs, we have a few priorities that define us as The Wilbourns.

Dinners and time together – spending quality time together is something my husband and I feel very strongly about.  I brought this into our marriage, having experienced it as a child with my own family.  When I was growing up, Sunday was strictly family day.  My brother and I knew not to make plans with friends and our homework should have been already completed by the time Sunday rolled around.  We would pack up a picnic and head out to wherever we ended up.  I’m pretty sure I’ve been to every state park in Kentucky and Southern Indiana to explore and eat off a picnic table!  In my family today, time together takes shape in many forms.  We always have dinner together.  This is absolutely, positively non-negotiable.  Sure, sometimes it can prove to be quite the challenge.  Our kids are getting older and often have school projects, sports practice and games.  Occasionally my husband or I have later business meetings.  None of that matters.  We eat as a family.  It might be 9:30pm and that dinner might be the fastest thing we could throw together or a drive-through meal but coming together at the end of our day as a unit reminds us that we can always count on one another to discuss the good, the bad and the hilarious.  Our three dogs like to think they are an essential part of this, too, as they provide clean up with any food that may make its way onto a lap or the floor………My husband and I also make a special point to spend time individually with each of our children.  Individual relationships are just as crucial to foster as the unit dynamic. Sometimes this looks like a sporting event (BBN!), or a play.  My daughter and I have an annual tradition of going to see the Nutcracker every Christmas and my husband and son are trying to visit every pro-baseball stadium in the country (so far the count is 2!),  Sometimes it means just going out for a meal or a quick shopping trip.   My daughter and I love to decorate and make our home a welcoming, inviting place full of flowers and family photographs. 

Pets – we have always been a family that included fur.  Lots and lots of fur.  We typically have 2-3 dogs at any given time.  Right now we have three.  Owning these silly, loving, magnificent creatures has taught our children love and respect for all living things.  It has taught them responsibility for caring for others.  Our dogs bring us endless comic relief and a steady stream of stress relieving endorphins. Grabbing leashes to go for walks is another way for us to spend quality time together and to exercise as a family.

Travel – being able to expose our children to different cultures is high on our priority list.  We want them to become well-rounded, curious, compassionate people. Nothing opens the eyes to doing things differently and appreciating things that are done differently than to immerse yourself in the unfamiliar.  Seeing the wonders of the world; the beauty in a sunset; or the vastness of an ocean is such a gift.  Our children are just now 12 and 15 so much of the travel we have completed thus far is domestic, with the exception of the Caribbean.  As they get a bit older and can appreciate and physically do more, we plan to expand our travels abroad.  It’s important to point out that trips don’t have to be costly or extensive.  Explore your home state and your region.  We can learn so much from the people around us who believe things different from ourselves – different religions, different heritages, urban settings vs. suburban neighborhoods vs. rural country life.  The world is a classroom and if we just devote some time and energy to exploring, we can become wiser, more empathetic and richer from the experiences. 

Education/Faith – our family is Catholic and we are fortunate to live in a city where Catholic education is offered from pre-school through high-school in the form of parochial schools.  Sending our kids to Catholic school is undoubtedly our highest priority as a family.  We feel so strongly that the religious foundation sets up our children up for a life of service to others.  Many of our area high-schools are single sex which allows for a brotherhood or sisterhood to form that will serve our children throughout their entire lifetime.  As a graduate of an all-girls Catholic high school, I can attest to the sisterhood and network that I have as a graduate.  Twenty-something years after graduating, I still have relationships and a circle I can rely on.  But it’s not just about the education or religious formation (although they are stellar) it’s about the sense of community that comes from being part of a parish your entire life.  This is a gift that my husband and I work tirelessly to give our children.  We sacrifice bigger houses, nicer cars and many of life’s little luxuries because this investment in their religious, educational and community upbringing is the single biggest gift we can give them.

Traditions and culture play an essential role in shaping a child’s identity and perception of themselves.  Creating lasting memories and a strong bond can help a child be happier and to become a more giving, understanding adult.  Raising children is the by far the hardest, most significant task any of us parents will ever have.  We only get one chance to do it and although many mistakes will be made along the way (guilty, guilty, guilty!), establishing a strong family unit filled with traditions; and weaving your own unique culture will surely set our children up for a richer, fuller life.  Just think of all the tools you will have equipped them with for when they become parents!