Forget the Sugar, our daughters need more Spice

A few weeks ago, my daughter caught the brunt of my less than good mood.  I was cranky for various reasons and her sloth-like speed in loading the dishwasher was hindering me in cleaning up the kitchen.  I snapped at her. She didn’t deserve it.  She looked right at me; stuck a hand on her hip and stared me down. I began to notice a slow fire build in her eyes.  She was not having my attitude.  So you know what?  She gave it right back to me.  We had a face off right there over the dishwasher.  At first, I just stood there and stared at her, my mouth hanging open.  My initial thought was “don’t you yell at me, young lady.  Don’t you know who you’re talking to?”  But then I realized, she was right.  I knew it and she definitely knew it.  Then I started thinking “you GO, little girl.”   GIVE IT BACK TO ME.”  I suddenly found myself insanely proud and cheering her on (in my head).  She was fierce.  She was standing up for herself. 

You see, that fiery spirit – the one she showed me in that moment – is the same spirit that will guide her when a coach or a teacher is being unfair.  When a group of friends is pressuring her into something she doesn’t want to do.  When a date or future boyfriend is asking something of her that she’s not ready to give; when a manipulative boss is trying to take advantage of her.  That fire and self-confidence and willingness to stand up for herself is going to be what saves her in countless situations throughout her life.  While I don’t condone my children yelling at me, I can’t fault her for having the courage to stand up for herself when she knows she is in the right.  I can’t stifle her confidence.  I need to empower her to speak her mind; to teach her to protect herself against situations where she doesn’t feel respected.  Even when it’s against me.